Bumping Back Holes

College work was a lot tougher than high school. Not only was I treading on what was for me virgin territory, there was also the fact that no one was looking over your shoulder telling you to go to class or asking if your homework was done. The fact that I had been a good student and had developed good study habits made it a lot easier. I had decided that I was going to learn everything I could about business and finance so that was going to be my declared major when the time came. In the mean time, I took courses to fulfill my requirements and took business courses as my electives. I also had to continue my physical conditioning, because my scholarship was dependant on my making the track team.At this point in my life I had stopped growing. I was five foot eleven inches tall, and because of the muscle I had been able to build I weighed one hundred and eighty pounds. I had pushed my personal limit on the bench press to a very respectable two hundred and twenty five pounds. However I. But me, I don't know if it was pride, my insistence that she do whatever would make her feel happy and comfortable with herself, or ... something else that had creeped in. A sort of forbidden exhibitionistic kind of lust. A kind of 'look at what I created, boys. Isn't it enough to get you hard?'I didn't actually think that way; as I said it was subtle and insidious. In my subconscious. I'd usually think 'what the heck was that' only afterward and quickly dismissed it. But it came back every time since then, and it became more obvious and more frequent. It's a haze to me exactly at what point I finally told myself what the nature of these thoughts were and if I had felt any guilt about it at all. I don't recall ever feeling any guilt about them.Anyway, over two years later and I have fully embraced that I not only love my daughter more than life itself, I also lust for her. But don't think this is one of those stories where I tell you: "and then she realized I was hard for her, she.
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